My So-Called Gay Life: Part 2

In last week's long-winded account of my struggle and coming out, you may ask, what does this have anything to do with me being able to understand and accept people for holding different views? My internal struggle has had a lot to do with how I have been able to accept people from all walks of life.  My struggle allowed me to see and feel both sides on the subject of homosexuality.  At first, I was in denial and upset about homosexuality.  I remember making fun of others who were openly gay.  That was a very pathetic and despicable move on my part.  I feel so ashamed that I did that.  But, my anger and denial went to acceptance and happiness.  I would not change who I am for anyone.  And being gay, I know how hard it is to hold unpopular views of the world.  I have lived as being a part of a minority community.  However, I don't look at myself as being a minority. I'm Feller and just because I am gay, it doesn't make me any less of a person.

First and foremost, I am human.  I'm just Feller.  Nothing is different about me except who I fall in love with (and as I mentioned previously, I was able to find that special man). I really don't see how I am a minority for being gay, though I technically am.  But I do not think about it. I just live my life as who I am.

Secondly, I know how it feels to be judged harshly. There is an extreme minority in this country that wants to tear me down.  They condemn me to hell.  However, I do not get mad at that because in different ways, we are all judged harshly. Some people may judge me because I am gay but many people do not.  Some religious people are judged as stupid or ignorant because they believe in their faith. Some people are judged because they are fat. Some people are judged because of their ideological beliefs. This list can go on and on. Everyone has been judged and labeled at some point in their lives. My story isn't any different than anyone else in this country. I am judged and labeled because I am gay.  So what? Society creates labels and judges everyone. I consider myself the same in this struggle. My label is gay, that does not upset me. In fact, I am more than happy wearing that label. Since we are all labeled and judged I cannot be mad at people with sincere beliefs.

There has been a struggle between most religions in this country and the gay community. So much hatred and harsh feelings have been born out of this struggle. Why? Why do we allow each of us to become divided over someone’s own sexual behavior? How un-enlightened is that? I believe to live and let live. I do not mind that people with sincere faith believe that I am committing a sin.  As long as they allow me to pursue my own happiness, I do not care what others believe.  Once someone supports laws or policies that stop me from pursuing my happiness that is where it crosses the line.  It is one thing to oppose homosexuality.  But to allow the state to sanction laws that stop me from marrying the person I love?  That is where I draw the line.  I hear people say that they get tired of being labeled a bigot or a homophobe because they oppose gay marriage.  I can sympathize with them.  I don’t want people to be called names.  But I would ask them to clarify their position.  I would ask them, "Do you oppose gay marriage and support laws that restrict that right?" or "Do you oppose gay marriage but believe that people should be free to do as they please?"  If they answer yes to the latter then they should not be called bigots.  But if someone opposes homosexuality to the point that they want laws to restrict their rights, then that is highly un-American.  I still wouldn't call them bigots.  I would ask them to look at themselves in the mirror.  Because hating someone to a point of denying them rights is so wrong.  The United States was not born to hate others for being different.

Believe me, I want more people in this country to have strong convictions. I have been taught to pursue my happiness in this country. I do not worry about what people are doing in their lives because they have that right too. I may disagree with their methods but they have that right to do what they like. This means that if someone wants to be a devout member of a faith that believes homosexuality is wrong, that is perfectly fine with me. I do not hate them. I do not believe I will be damned to hell and some of you may disagree with me. But let your God judge me on Judgment Day.  Don't be the judge, jury, and executioner. Jesus Christ, who I do find inspiring, did have a wonderful message. Love others. He preached love and tolerance, even though you may find that person living in sin. I do not consider myself committing sin but if people truly believe that, then good for them. What I do find hypocritical is when people of religion are hateful and go out of their way to get in my face to tell me I am going to hell. That is not Christ-like at all. However, those people are in the minority, as I mentioned last week.  I truly believe that most Christians (this includes Mormons) and people of faith do not hate me because I am gay. They may believe homosexuality is wrong, but they wish me all the luck in the world. They are just standing up for their beliefs like I am standing up for my beliefs. I wish people on both sides would calm down because the reality is that most people do not care what I do with my life. They are the silent majority. We only listen to the people with the loudest voice (like the Westboro Baptist Church) and those are the people that are on the extremes. The media picks it up for ratings and readership and politicians and community organizers pick up on the extremes for their own political gain and agenda. Do not get me wrong, we do need to have debate in this country, even if it gets heated. I want people to stand up and voice their views. If more people did this, the majority moderates in this country would win the debate.  I would love nothing more than the far-right and the far-left to be taken down a peg or two.  Let's stand up for what we believe in, but remember, most Americans are not out for your destruction. They may disagree with you but they don't hate you, they just want their voice heard. We need to stop highlighting the bigots and extreme ideologues out there and focus on the debate without calling each other names. We live in a country with many diverse people, backgrounds, and ideas.  I want to hear those ideas. I want to learn about all of their experiences.  I want to understand each other.  This is not an impossible goal. We just need to stop and listen.  We can learn so much and be inspired, while allowing the hate to melt.

I challenge all of you to listen to an opposing opinion. Seek out the other side, let your mind be open. When you are open you can understand where most people are coming from.  Any hate you may have will melt away. I went through a long struggle with my sexuality.  It opened my mind which lead to accepting others, because I have listened and paid attention to the haters and bigots in this world. This discovery of myself helped me realize that I was paying attention to the wrong people. I should have been paying attention to my friends and family and the moderate majority in America where people may disagree with you, but they do not wish you ill will.  Most logical Americans do not personally hate President Obama or former President George W. Bush.  They may disagree with them, but they would never cheer for their failure.  They would cheer them on to succeed. Because if a president succeeds that means that we, as a country, succeed.  That is the realization I have made. Do not fall into the trap laid by the extremes; they just fill your heart and mind with hate and harsh feelings. They influence you to shut people out.  That is dangerous and that will lead to our downfall. When you hear an extreme view point that you may want to cheer on, do some fact-checking and make sure it is correct.  Nothing harms our country more than having hateful, incorrect information spreading across the country.  I guarantee that you will feel better about this country and other human beings if you take a moment to think and fact-check. The reality is, we may disagree at times, but we really are not out for the destruction of other human beings. If I can come to this level of awareness, you can too.

How I apply my thought to real world examples is the struggle the Mormon Church has had in the eyes of the country and the world. To be completely honest, I have no use for the church. I think they damaged themselves in the Prop 8 (gay marriage) debate in California.  The Los Angeles Times reported that the Mormon Church donated at least $180,000 to stop the rights of gay Californians from marrying (it is also estimated that Utah individuals and families donated about $20 million to support Prop 8, with 70% of that money going to fight gay rights).  I have no problem with them voicing their views against gay marriage. It is their right and I don't hate them for it. I disagree with them.  I also think they crossed the line when they actively tried to crush the rights of their countrymen (and continue to do so by signing onto legal briefs that promote same-sex marriage bans).  I cannot imagine Jesus Christ being okay with that tactic.  But, the backlash they felt in the aftermath of Prop 8 may have turned the tide.  The truth is that people within the Mormon Church (and among all religions, in general) are beginning to accept gay members and the gay community.  There is still work to do, but it's a beginning and that is a great thing. With that said, I will stand up for the Mormon Church when they are being denigrated by other Christian faiths, which I believe the majority accepts.  But I am speaking of the minority that bashes them as non-Christians. What a stupid, pointless, hateful debate. Mormons are Christians. They believe in God. Their views are different in that they accept that others can become Gods.  But who cares? They believe in God, they believe in the divine goodness and greatness of Jesus Christ. I just sit there with my jaw dropped in shock that other Christians would hate Mormons so much. Mormons have strong convictions and beliefs. I thought that would be something that other religions would revel in and not be upset about. That certainly is not Christ-like. Mormons may be the majority in Utah, but that is the only place. Mormons are a minority, like I am a minority. They are sometimes viciously attacked for their views, like I am. Me being gay is almost the same as what some Mormons encounter in other places on the globe. Mormons are torn down and mocked, like how some people tear my homosexuality and mock me. But, it is the minority thought in this country when it comes to being hateful and divisive. Most Christians accept the Mormon Church, it is just the hateful minority that will mock them and call them non-Christians. Just like the minority extremes that tear me down because I am gay. I search for examples that prove my point. This proves my point. I disagree with the Mormon Church but I love them and I respect their beliefs if they respect me as a human being and they respect my right to pursue happiness. There is always a hateful minority but the majority (most of the times, silent, which needs to change) loves me and respects me. They may disagree with homosexuality but I can't be hateful against them because I know there is hate thrown their way and that disappoints me.  I will stand up against hate, no matter where it is thrown. I'm against hate on all levels, even if it's with an organization or a person I disagree with. I seek the truth and want to stand up above the divisiveness in this country.  Divisiveness is at its highest levels in 25 years, according to a Pew Research study.  Something must be done to counter the hatefulness that is throwing this country into the gutter.

If my words do not persuade you, then I implore you to listen to President Thomas Jefferson, who said:

“It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

Thomas Jefferson is correct  If it neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg, what difference does it make to anyone what I do with my life?  As long as my rights do not inflict harm upon your body or inflict harm on your rights, then what difference does it make?  It does not.  Amen, President Jefferson, Amen!

A Problem of Millennial Proportions

     Millennials (the generation of Americans that were born between 1977 and 1992) are lazy, spoiled, and they just want to have fun.  Millennials are living at home and sponging off their parents.  They need to get a job and move out of the house.  Does any of this rhetoric sound familiar?  It should, especially if you have been paying close attention to the news this past couple of weeks.  One of the reasons why the topic of Millennials has come into the spotlight is because of a woman named Rachel Canning, 18.  She is in the news because she is suing her parents.  She wants them to pay for her college tuition.

     People see these pathetic stories and declare that the younger generation is lost.  They are lost in their own self-absorbed behavior.  People, like this blogger, make grand proclamations about the Millennial Generation:

     ....extended adolescence is a very real epidemic in my generation (it’s a problem amongst the Boomers, too, but that’s a subject for a different post). I don’t need any study or statistic to tell me that; I see it with my own eyes every single day. It is a disease that afflicts many in my age group. 

     This blogger goes on to tell his readers that Millennials need to get jobs.  They need to stop playing with their toys and go out into the world and work hard.  Enough with the excuses, flip burgers if you have to!

     What is dangerous about this type of thinking is that people believe these over-generalizations.  These over-generalizations lead people to stereotype.   This does not solve any problems, in fact, it ignores the problem completely.  If it ignores the actual problem then how can anything be solved?

     10,000 people have shared this particular blog.  These shares have helped perpetrate what statistician Nate Silver has been saying:  People in the media are making proclamations without the data to back it up.  People use anecdotes, and treat them as fact (and gladly ignore the data to fit their own agenda).  This is harmful because the real underlying issue is being ignored.  Millennials, as a group, are not practicing “extended adolescence” and sitting in their parent’s basement because they do not want to work.  The statistics tell a different story:

     According to the Pew Research Center, 36% of Millennials (21.6 million people) were still living with their parents in 2012.  That is up from 18.5 million Millennials in 2007.  Just looking at these stats without any other information could make it sound like Millennials just want to live with Mom and Dad.  However, let’s put it into context.  In 2008, we had a major recession.  Millions of jobs were eliminated.  That means job opportunities have dried up.  The Bureau of Labor Statistics has reported that the jobless rate for people ages 25-34, that have a high school diploma, has risen from 4.3% in 2007 to 10.6% in 2013.

     So again, couple those job statistics with the report on Millennials still living at home and I guess I can see how people assume that they might be lazy and spoiled.  However, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that the percentage of people ages 22-27 who have a Bachelor’s Degree, but holds a job that does not require one, has risen from 34% in 2001 to 44% in 2012.

     Knowing these few different stats will lead us to a different conclusion then the highly flawed conclusions of people that believe Millennials need to toughen up and work.  Millennials are trying to work.  They are taking any job that they can find, even people with a college education.  The problem is that entry-level jobs with higher pay have been drying up.  Millennials are coming out school with a huge amount of student loan debt.  They can’t find higher-paying jobs so they are taking lower paying jobs and squeezing out people with just a high school diploma.  If people are making less and having difficulty finding higher paying jobs then the result of them living at home makes sense, doesn't it?

     Over-generalizing without looking at data can give you a different (and incorrect) story.  What we need to do as a society is to look for the real reasons why things are happening.  Only then can we develop real, fact-based solutions.  In this case, it isn't that Millennials are a lazy, spoiled bunch.  The problem is unemployment and underemployment that is plaguing this generation.  The solution has to be found in not only creating jobs, but creating higher paying jobs.  That is a solution that our inept Congress (Republicans and Democrats), along with President Obama, has not figured out.

     But we, as a nation, have to understand the “why” before we can solve our problems.  That, my friends, is one of the reasons why we struggle as a nation.  We spend more time fighting and arguing over red herrings than looking at the real reasons why our country is faltering.  We want easy solutions because we cannot stomach the truth.  We would rather blame that evil socialist, President Obama, or that evil unintelligent president, President Bush, or over-generalize and blame an entire generation for problems that are more complex than we realize.  We place the blame on these different people and different groups because it is easy to complain and point fingers.  It is hard to research and learn about our problems.  It makes it even harder when we discover that the solutions to our problems are just as complex.  It is not an easy process, but it is a process that must be done.  No more excuses!  It’s time to take charge, get serious, and look at the real problems facing our country, instead of covering up our problems with phony anecdotal evidence.  Truth is in the numbers.  And, that is exactly what our journey will encompass on this blog.

     One last point for all of you to chew on, and these are philosophical questions:  Is it really that bad that more and more people are living with family members?  I ask because some people believe that America has turned into a nanny-state where government provides its sheep with cradle-to-the-grave benefits.  Isn’t it better for people to live with family and help each other than live off the tax-payer?  I think those are some questions that should be answered.  But, that is for all of you to decide.