Sins of thy Brethren

In October 2015, a group called The World Congress of Families (WCF) is hosting their conference in Salt Lake City, UT.  The World Congress of Families promotes the “natural family” and opposes gay-rights, including same-sex marriage.  Groups like this are not a new phenomenon.  The National Organization of Marriage is another anti-gay rights organization that has been around for a while (and is more well-known).  What makes the WCF stand-out is that they are so anti-gay that they make the National Organization of Marriage look pro-gay in comparison.  What is even more troubling is that many prominent Mormon, Catholic, and Jewish leaders have leant their names and their time to this far-right organization.

The World Congress of Families

The WCF has been labeled a “hate-group” by the Southern Poverty Law Center.  They have been given that label with good reason.  According to Chad Griffin, president of the Human Rights Campaign, the WCF and its allies have promoted anti-gay rhetoric on a consistent basis:

Scott Lively, a featured speaker for the WCF, has “proclaimed that LGBT people are responsible for the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide and the spread of HIV/AIDS.”

Larry Jacobs, managing director of the WCF, thought that Russia’s new (and horrifying) anti-gay law was “a great idea.”  He even went further, and according to Griffin, released a public letter supporting the law.

Sharon Slater, another WCF ally and featured speaker, said in 2010 that "Iran is one of the strongest nations in standing up for family values at the UN."

You heard it right.  Prominent WCF speakers believe that gays caused the Holocaust and that Iran is wonderful because they support the family.  Iran is the same country that will execute gays, but yet, Ms. Slater is fan of their tremendous work in preserving the family.

And not to be out-done is WCF’s communications director, Don Feder.  Feder runs a paranoid, right-wing blog where he declares:

“You just trust Obama, and you go right on trusting him – until they shove you in a cattle car.”  (The insinuation is that Americans will find themselves locked-up in concentration camps because of President Obama).

In another posting, Feder writes:

“Pardon my hate-filled rhetoric, but when exactly did homosexuals become a division of humanity instead of a sorry collection of individuals (connected only by their carnal appetites) caught up in a perverted lifestyle?”

The Spin from Supporters

This organization that supports hate is coming to Salt Lake City.  But, it is coming to Salt Lake with open arms by the conservative think-tank, The Sutherland Institute, which insists that the WCF is a very benign organization.  The Sutherland Institute is trying to spin the WCF into a group that has family-values.  They released a list of participants on their website and wrote:

“...you can decide whether the WCF will be a gathering of ‘extremists’ and ‘very dangerous’ people, or simply will draw extraordinary people of faith and secular accomplishment who are similar in belief and thinking to the majority of Utahns.”

• Sheri Dew, Former second counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
• Elder Russell M. Nelson, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints 
• Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; Honorary Member, Board of Directors of the World Congress of Families 
• Elder Erich Kopischke, First Quorum of the Seventy, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
• Cardinal George Pell, Australian cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church
• Rabbi Binyomin Jacobs, Chief Rabbi of the Inter-Provincial Rabbinate in Holland 

According to the Sutherland Institute, WCF cannot be an “extremist” organization because of all the nice religious people that are associated with the group.  I actually think this is quite disturbing.  Sutherland does not dispute what critics like Chad Griffin has accused the organization of doing, trafficking in hate.  In a recent op-ed in the Salt Lake Tribune, Paul Mero, president of the Sutherland Institute, just re-iterates the point that the WCF is an “inclusive” organization.  He does not deal with the actual record of the WCF.  He just spins the group into a lovely gathering of people who are concerned about the family structure.

The Sins of thy Brethren

It is actually quite disgusting that religious leaders would take part in such a dangerous organization.  In fact, some religions relish in the idea of being connected with this group.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon Church) released this statement when Salt Lake City was chosen for the site of the WCF conference:

"Although the church wasn’t involved in the decision of the World Congress of Families to come to Salt Lake City we appreciate the efforts of organizations working to strengthen the family and society."

After the public relations nightmare that the Mormon Church found itself in with its support (and funding) of Proposition 8 in California, I am surprised that they would want to encourage a group with such a nefarious history.  Any religion should be ashamed of themselves for doing business with this group.  I say this because do they “appreciate the efforts of organizations” that try to harm an individual’s right to be with the person they love?  Do they “appreciate the efforts of organizations” that helped Russia enact laws that have led to an increase in violence and harassment against Russian LGBT individuals, as Human Rights Watch reports?  Do they “appreciate the efforts” of an organization that has been labeled as a “hate-group?”  Do they “appreciate the efforts of organizations” that have employees that call LGBT people “perverted” and being “a sorry collection of individuals?”   I guess the WCF is doing God’s work in the eyes of the Mormon Church?

I respect any person’s or organization’s right to free speech.  No one’s speech should ever be shut down.  However, the First Amendment does not give a person or organization immunity from their speech.  A person or group must deal with the consequences of their speech.  The consequence in this case is criticism.

Peace-loving religious leaders getting into a partnership with the WCF is exactly the opposite of what religions preach.  I thought religions preached peace, harmony, loving thy neighbors, etc.?  This group seems like the lowest common denominator when it comes to “protecting” the family.  Any religious person or group should be criticized for promoting this organization.  Fine, “protect” the family and children from those gays but to support a group that helped shape anti-gay legislation that has led to violence and harassment makes you just as guilty as the actual perpetrators.  A religious organization can oppose same-sex marriage by not recognizing a same-sex marriage and by not allowing same-sex wedding ceremonies to take place in their places of worship.  Many supporters of same-sex marriage, myself included, want religions to practice their religious freedom.  They have the right to reject same-sex marriage.  I want their rights to be respected, as they should respect my right to marry my partner.  We should respect each other's rights.  Once same-sex marriage is legalized in all 50 states, I will expose any person or group that tries to force religions to perform or recognize same-sex marriages.  There will be no hypocrisy on my part.  The only hypocrisy here lies in the religions and religious leaders that are aligning themselves with such a hateful group.

In my opinion, it is sinful behavior to partner up with such a hateful organization.  Am I wrong?  The WCF is the antithesis of peace, harmony, loving thy enemy, loving thy neighbor.  There should not be any doubt to what the WCF preaches.  For any religion or religious leader to be a part of it is disappointing and downright disgusting.

Some of you may disagree with this analysis.  The Sutherland Institute may disagree with this analysis.  The Mormon Church may disagree with this analysis.  The many other religious leaders and academics that ally with the WCF may disagree with this analysis.  I’d just ask them in regards to the WCF and their support:  What would Jesus do?

Who am I to Judge?

“Who am I to judge?”  Pope Francis uttered those simple, yet powerful words back in 2013.  Pope Francis has re-energized the Catholic Church with his simple, logical, and compassionate heart.  He has inspired the religious and non-religious alike.  Pope Francis spoke those words in regards to homosexuality; however, I think we can apply those words to many different lifestyles, philosophies and ideologies.  For this discussion, “Who am I to judge,” will be the question and answer that could help us solve the issues of polarization and help lessen the bad blood that flows between the religious and non-religious populations of our society.

This topic is important because we are seeing a great divide between people of faith and people who believe in secular principles.   People of faith, like former-Governor Mike Huckabee (R-AR), believe that God is being slowly removed from society.  Prayer and faith in the public square are being diminished by politically correct progressives who want to squash religion for good.  This removal of God in society is starting to make America (and the rest of the world) weak.  On the other side, people who believe in secular principles, like the late author and activist Christopher Hitchens, believe that God (or religion) is what poisons the world.  People who believe in secular principles believe that human progress has been delayed because religions cause more harm than good.  That is quite the divide!  The examples I just gave are the extreme.  I do believe that divisions between faith and secularism can vary.  Not everyone is 100% anti-faith or 100% anti-secularism.  The world is not black and white.  The world is a murky gray where perceptions differ between people.  This divide between faith and secularism is causing grief between citizens of this country and throughout the world.  So, how do we close up that divide and co-exist peacefully with one another?  That is the question that hopefully can be answered.

Before our discussion can move forward, I would ask that you watch these two videos.  The first video will showcase a faithful Mormon family while the second video will showcase an ex-Mormon:

Which point of view is correct?  The first video shows a happy family who believes that they have found the right path in the form of Mormonism.  The second video shows a woman who had doubts and questions that led her to the conclusion that religion is cruel.  Does someone have to be wrong?  Even though everyone involved in these videos seem sincere and happy with their choices, there has to be a wrong path, right?  False.  Neither of the videos shows a wrong viewpoint.  These viewpoints are correct for the people that are following them.  You may disagree with one of them but it does not make them any less right or wrong.  That is because you cannot debate faith or the lack of faith.  That’s not to say that people do not question their faith or lack of faith.  The point is that you can debate someone until you are blue in the face, but at the end of the day, (especially when it comes to religion) people will not change their point of view.  Faith goes beyond scientific fact or reason.  Faith cannot be proven or disproven.  That is why it is called “faith.”  You have to have “faith” that God exists or that religion brings about happiness or vice-versa.  It does not do any good to tell the staunch Catholic that God doesn't exist and that their church is evil.  It also does not do any good to tell the atheist that they are lacking happiness because they do not have God in their life.  All that does is upset people.  It drives people away.  It causes harsh feelings.  This is an extremely difficult topic.  I know people want their loved ones to follow the same path that they do because they feel like they are on the right path.  They feel that if their loved one does not follow their path then they will not be able to be with them in the after-life.  That is a very difficult proposition to overcome.  However, there’s no choice in the matter.  Live and let live.  Either you accept that person for who they are or you push them away.  Life is short.  I, personally, opt for the first choice.

Allowing people to live their own lives is not any easy prospect.  This is because, and we all must admit this, we are human beings.  We will be condescending and hypocritical.  Each and every one of us has talked down to someone we do not agree with personally.  We also are hypocritical and will do things in contrast to what we preach.  As an example, I am an agnostic.  I believe in a higher power.  I do not necessarily believe in one almighty power that created this entire universe.  I do believe that there are many things to this universe that humans do not understand or comprehend.  However, personally I cannot believe in an organized religion because religions package their beliefs and doctrines too neatly.  Explanations are too easy in religions.  I believe there is some organization to the universe, but I believe it is organized chaos.  There are too many unknowns to say that humanity has all the answers or the religion has all the answers.  With that being said, there are days where I pity people that are religious.  I feel like logic is staring them right in their face but they do not see it.  I pity them because I see them shackled to an ideology created by men that just want to have power over everyone else.  That is pretty harsh.  I hate having these feelings, but I am a human, and I will always have feelings and thoughts like that.  How should someone try to move past these hypocritical and condescending thoughts and attitudes?  You get over hypocrisy and condescension by realizing that people will think the same things about you.  A religious person will look at me as being a gay agnostic who has turned their back on God and has succumbed to sin by falling in love with another man.  A religious person will pity me because if I do not change I will be going to Hell.   Imagine that.  People are going to see what they want.  That does not mean they are right or wrong.  That is just their point of view.  I do not have to agree with their point of view, but I will respect their beliefs.

That is the answer to co-existence (which is easier said than done).  Why can’t we accept people for who they are?  Allow people to make their own choices and live their own lives.  Allow people to be different.  Differences and diversity make this world an exciting, interesting place.  I know I do not want to live in a homogeneous society where everyone believes in the same things.  I want the beautiful differences in society to stand out.  I want to know all about the differences in each of us and discover the beauty in all things.  I believe we need each other.  We need religious and non-religious people.  We need each other so we can tackle problems together.

In conclusion, take note that I did not use the words “tolerate” or “tolerance,” I used the words “respect” and “accept.”  I actually hate the word “tolerance” because I feel that tolerance is just the nice way of holding your nose at someone who you disagree with.   I want people to accept me.  I want people to accept one another.  I want people to accept Catholics, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, Episcopalians, Atheists, Agnostics, etc.  You do not have to agree with their beliefs, but accept them as human beings.  Accept their path to happiness.  Love them for being different.  Do not just tolerate them because that is the politically correct thing to do.  Learn about their philosophy to life.  Bask in the beauty and richness of our diversity in this world.  Just realize that as long as they are not putting your rights and physical safety at risk then, “who am I to judge?”

Next week:  Using this theory of co-existence in the real world through policy-making.

My So-Called Gay Life: Part 2

In last week's long-winded account of my struggle and coming out, you may ask, what does this have anything to do with me being able to understand and accept people for holding different views? My internal struggle has had a lot to do with how I have been able to accept people from all walks of life.  My struggle allowed me to see and feel both sides on the subject of homosexuality.  At first, I was in denial and upset about homosexuality.  I remember making fun of others who were openly gay.  That was a very pathetic and despicable move on my part.  I feel so ashamed that I did that.  But, my anger and denial went to acceptance and happiness.  I would not change who I am for anyone.  And being gay, I know how hard it is to hold unpopular views of the world.  I have lived as being a part of a minority community.  However, I don't look at myself as being a minority. I'm Feller and just because I am gay, it doesn't make me any less of a person.

First and foremost, I am human.  I'm just Feller.  Nothing is different about me except who I fall in love with (and as I mentioned previously, I was able to find that special man). I really don't see how I am a minority for being gay, though I technically am.  But I do not think about it. I just live my life as who I am.

Secondly, I know how it feels to be judged harshly. There is an extreme minority in this country that wants to tear me down.  They condemn me to hell.  However, I do not get mad at that because in different ways, we are all judged harshly. Some people may judge me because I am gay but many people do not.  Some religious people are judged as stupid or ignorant because they believe in their faith. Some people are judged because they are fat. Some people are judged because of their ideological beliefs. This list can go on and on. Everyone has been judged and labeled at some point in their lives. My story isn't any different than anyone else in this country. I am judged and labeled because I am gay.  So what? Society creates labels and judges everyone. I consider myself the same in this struggle. My label is gay, that does not upset me. In fact, I am more than happy wearing that label. Since we are all labeled and judged I cannot be mad at people with sincere beliefs.

There has been a struggle between most religions in this country and the gay community. So much hatred and harsh feelings have been born out of this struggle. Why? Why do we allow each of us to become divided over someone’s own sexual behavior? How un-enlightened is that? I believe to live and let live. I do not mind that people with sincere faith believe that I am committing a sin.  As long as they allow me to pursue my own happiness, I do not care what others believe.  Once someone supports laws or policies that stop me from pursuing my happiness that is where it crosses the line.  It is one thing to oppose homosexuality.  But to allow the state to sanction laws that stop me from marrying the person I love?  That is where I draw the line.  I hear people say that they get tired of being labeled a bigot or a homophobe because they oppose gay marriage.  I can sympathize with them.  I don’t want people to be called names.  But I would ask them to clarify their position.  I would ask them, "Do you oppose gay marriage and support laws that restrict that right?" or "Do you oppose gay marriage but believe that people should be free to do as they please?"  If they answer yes to the latter then they should not be called bigots.  But if someone opposes homosexuality to the point that they want laws to restrict their rights, then that is highly un-American.  I still wouldn't call them bigots.  I would ask them to look at themselves in the mirror.  Because hating someone to a point of denying them rights is so wrong.  The United States was not born to hate others for being different.

Believe me, I want more people in this country to have strong convictions. I have been taught to pursue my happiness in this country. I do not worry about what people are doing in their lives because they have that right too. I may disagree with their methods but they have that right to do what they like. This means that if someone wants to be a devout member of a faith that believes homosexuality is wrong, that is perfectly fine with me. I do not hate them. I do not believe I will be damned to hell and some of you may disagree with me. But let your God judge me on Judgment Day.  Don't be the judge, jury, and executioner. Jesus Christ, who I do find inspiring, did have a wonderful message. Love others. He preached love and tolerance, even though you may find that person living in sin. I do not consider myself committing sin but if people truly believe that, then good for them. What I do find hypocritical is when people of religion are hateful and go out of their way to get in my face to tell me I am going to hell. That is not Christ-like at all. However, those people are in the minority, as I mentioned last week.  I truly believe that most Christians (this includes Mormons) and people of faith do not hate me because I am gay. They may believe homosexuality is wrong, but they wish me all the luck in the world. They are just standing up for their beliefs like I am standing up for my beliefs. I wish people on both sides would calm down because the reality is that most people do not care what I do with my life. They are the silent majority. We only listen to the people with the loudest voice (like the Westboro Baptist Church) and those are the people that are on the extremes. The media picks it up for ratings and readership and politicians and community organizers pick up on the extremes for their own political gain and agenda. Do not get me wrong, we do need to have debate in this country, even if it gets heated. I want people to stand up and voice their views. If more people did this, the majority moderates in this country would win the debate.  I would love nothing more than the far-right and the far-left to be taken down a peg or two.  Let's stand up for what we believe in, but remember, most Americans are not out for your destruction. They may disagree with you but they don't hate you, they just want their voice heard. We need to stop highlighting the bigots and extreme ideologues out there and focus on the debate without calling each other names. We live in a country with many diverse people, backgrounds, and ideas.  I want to hear those ideas. I want to learn about all of their experiences.  I want to understand each other.  This is not an impossible goal. We just need to stop and listen.  We can learn so much and be inspired, while allowing the hate to melt.

I challenge all of you to listen to an opposing opinion. Seek out the other side, let your mind be open. When you are open you can understand where most people are coming from.  Any hate you may have will melt away. I went through a long struggle with my sexuality.  It opened my mind which lead to accepting others, because I have listened and paid attention to the haters and bigots in this world. This discovery of myself helped me realize that I was paying attention to the wrong people. I should have been paying attention to my friends and family and the moderate majority in America where people may disagree with you, but they do not wish you ill will.  Most logical Americans do not personally hate President Obama or former President George W. Bush.  They may disagree with them, but they would never cheer for their failure.  They would cheer them on to succeed. Because if a president succeeds that means that we, as a country, succeed.  That is the realization I have made. Do not fall into the trap laid by the extremes; they just fill your heart and mind with hate and harsh feelings. They influence you to shut people out.  That is dangerous and that will lead to our downfall. When you hear an extreme view point that you may want to cheer on, do some fact-checking and make sure it is correct.  Nothing harms our country more than having hateful, incorrect information spreading across the country.  I guarantee that you will feel better about this country and other human beings if you take a moment to think and fact-check. The reality is, we may disagree at times, but we really are not out for the destruction of other human beings. If I can come to this level of awareness, you can too.

How I apply my thought to real world examples is the struggle the Mormon Church has had in the eyes of the country and the world. To be completely honest, I have no use for the church. I think they damaged themselves in the Prop 8 (gay marriage) debate in California.  The Los Angeles Times reported that the Mormon Church donated at least $180,000 to stop the rights of gay Californians from marrying (it is also estimated that Utah individuals and families donated about $20 million to support Prop 8, with 70% of that money going to fight gay rights).  I have no problem with them voicing their views against gay marriage. It is their right and I don't hate them for it. I disagree with them.  I also think they crossed the line when they actively tried to crush the rights of their countrymen (and continue to do so by signing onto legal briefs that promote same-sex marriage bans).  I cannot imagine Jesus Christ being okay with that tactic.  But, the backlash they felt in the aftermath of Prop 8 may have turned the tide.  The truth is that people within the Mormon Church (and among all religions, in general) are beginning to accept gay members and the gay community.  There is still work to do, but it's a beginning and that is a great thing. With that said, I will stand up for the Mormon Church when they are being denigrated by other Christian faiths, which I believe the majority accepts.  But I am speaking of the minority that bashes them as non-Christians. What a stupid, pointless, hateful debate. Mormons are Christians. They believe in God. Their views are different in that they accept that others can become Gods.  But who cares? They believe in God, they believe in the divine goodness and greatness of Jesus Christ. I just sit there with my jaw dropped in shock that other Christians would hate Mormons so much. Mormons have strong convictions and beliefs. I thought that would be something that other religions would revel in and not be upset about. That certainly is not Christ-like. Mormons may be the majority in Utah, but that is the only place. Mormons are a minority, like I am a minority. They are sometimes viciously attacked for their views, like I am. Me being gay is almost the same as what some Mormons encounter in other places on the globe. Mormons are torn down and mocked, like how some people tear my homosexuality and mock me. But, it is the minority thought in this country when it comes to being hateful and divisive. Most Christians accept the Mormon Church, it is just the hateful minority that will mock them and call them non-Christians. Just like the minority extremes that tear me down because I am gay. I search for examples that prove my point. This proves my point. I disagree with the Mormon Church but I love them and I respect their beliefs if they respect me as a human being and they respect my right to pursue happiness. There is always a hateful minority but the majority (most of the times, silent, which needs to change) loves me and respects me. They may disagree with homosexuality but I can't be hateful against them because I know there is hate thrown their way and that disappoints me.  I will stand up against hate, no matter where it is thrown. I'm against hate on all levels, even if it's with an organization or a person I disagree with. I seek the truth and want to stand up above the divisiveness in this country.  Divisiveness is at its highest levels in 25 years, according to a Pew Research study.  Something must be done to counter the hatefulness that is throwing this country into the gutter.

If my words do not persuade you, then I implore you to listen to President Thomas Jefferson, who said:

“It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

Thomas Jefferson is correct  If it neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg, what difference does it make to anyone what I do with my life?  As long as my rights do not inflict harm upon your body or inflict harm on your rights, then what difference does it make?  It does not.  Amen, President Jefferson, Amen!